Puzzle

I was watching Guinness Book of Records, when I thought... No one cares about second..huh !! Here is a puzzle dedicated to all those who always stood second in class...at work...in love..in sports....


A has come second in 51 Guinness record events
B has come second in 50 Guinness record events

Guinness decides to give Guinness Record of 'Most number of second in Guinness record events'.


Q. Whom should they give it to? A or B.....

Take It or Leave It

The NEWS

On Monday, most of Britain’s broadsheet and tabloid newspapers featured waste news on their cover page. Sorry for being too literal. ‘The Daily Telegraph’ headline read – ‘Rubbish piles up after no collections in 4 weeks’. That just show how a most common sight in some parts of the world, can make it to headlines in other parts!!

Muthashi Song !!!

When I was a kid, (On demand!!) my dad will sing a Mallu song for me. I keep my head on his chest and listen to the song ardently.

It went something like this..(I don’t remember the exact lyrics)


“Kayalinn akare pokan enniku oru kalivallom undayirrunnu...
enniku oru kallivallom undayiruunnu…

Kathakal parayan…kali vanji thozhayan..muthassi undayirrunnu…
enniku oru muthassi undayirrunnu……”


Meaning of the lyrics /Story....

Once upon a time, in a village situated near a lake, there lived a Muthassi (grandmother)and her Unni (grandson). Every evening, Muthassi and Unni went to a temple,situated on the opposite bank of the lake. On their way to the temple, Muthassi used to row the boat, tell fairy tales and sing Kathakali songs.

Days went by…

One evening, nature showed its fury. Dark clouds engulfed the sky. It started raining heavily. Muthassi asked Unni to stay at home. She said she will go to the temple and pray on his behalf. Unni didn't listen to her and started crying. He wept hard and kept saying "Please don't go Ma..Please don't leave me alone".

She didn't listen to him. She left in that cursed boat... all alone. Soon only a silhouette of her boat was visible in the storm. Next morning, villagers found that empty wooden chariot, in the middle of the lake.


At the end of the song, tears start rolling down my cheeks…..And in between my sobs, I ask Dad to sing 'The Muthashi' song again… :)

Sundays' Agenda – IPL 2010

Some final day attractions of IPL2010:

Toss: Sachin and Dhoni will be up against each other for the third time. The coin for toss, which is specially minted for IPL, is supposed to have head on either side. So whichever team has ‘good relations’ with IPL authorities will know this fact and will call and win the toss.

1st innings – The ball will start turning from the very first over. Pitch will have uneven bounce, which will remind Indian players of their childhood days, when they used to travel on horse carts through the bumpy muddy roads of Patiala. Expected 1st inning total: 125 Runs.

2nd innings – Looking at the cracks in the track, Maharashtra Government will be tempted to declare the pitch as farmland. The ball which will start spinning from way outside the off stump will end up being called as a big leg side wide. For spinners, the only way to keep the ball at the stumps will be – ‘ use the side pitch’. Expected 2nd inning total: 60 Runs

Presentation Ceremony: During presentation, around 30 chief guests will adorn the stage. The structural engineers have sent out a notice that, in case Mr. Sharad Pawar, wish to join the presentation ceremony, the stage will accommodate only 21 people. They are thankful to God that Kings XI, didn’t make it to final, otherwise it would have been difficult to accommodate both Sharad and Romesh on the same stage.

Moving further… Mr. L SivaramKrishnan (LSK) will anchor the whole show. Half an hour will be given to LSK, to read out the guest list, their company details and tag lines.

Players from both the teams will receive medallions from Mumbai team owner Mr. Mukesh Ambani. He thinks it’s wise to keep Neeta out of this. One can never predict how Bhajji will react in case MI wins the final.

The trophy will be handed over to the winning team. Mr. Raj Thackrey has asked IPL committee to make sure that they give the trophy to a Maharashtrian. So, if in case CSK wins, Mr. Shivaji Rao Gaekwad (born on 12 December 1949 - for more info check wiki :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rajinikanth) will collect the trophy.

The presentation ceremony will be concluded with 2 hour long ‘Thanking My son/daughter/wife/cousin/puppy ‘speech from Mr. Lalit Modi. Its’ not yet clear what he is going to speak for 2 long hours, but sources say that it has been his child hood dream to read out the rhymes he has learnt in nursery to a bigger and better audience. The first time when he read out the same, his fellow toddlers laughed at him, saying it’s all made up and the lines were not original.

Wait...there is still more …

At the end of Mr. Modis’ speech, when he will say IPL 2010 is over, there will be a big cracker show (co ordinated by Maharashtra Pataka Avum Phooljhadi Assosciation). Maharashtra Police Commissioner will come to the front of the stage and handcuff Mr. Modi. And officially declare IPL as OVER !!!

4 a Friend

One of the waves didn’t push you to shore
Doesn’t mean that all waves are to abhor
That wave must have had its own plight
That’s why it struggled, couldn’t fight

One of the friends betrayed you in the end
Doesn’t mean you stop making friend
He would have had his own reason
A higher cause, which lead to this treason

I know, you don’t want to see the waves any more
I know, you don’t trust anyone as you did before
I know, that is why you hate me to the core
That’s why you hurt me, make me sore

Oh dear! I don’t want to say good bye
Give me a chance, one chance before I die…..

Cricketer caught swine flu...

Thing you should not do in front of animals.....

Short Story

"Can we kill our self by holding our breath?..."

They were sitting at CCD, when Raj asked this question to Sneha.

Sneha was one of the most brilliant and charming girls that Raj ever came across in his life. On the contrary, Raj was a not so brilliant-stupid guy. They say unlike charges attract each other and something similar happened in their life and they got married.

Raj never won when ever he indulged in a debate with Sneha. She always had some logic behind her answers that Raj had to accept. The giggle and laughter at the end of these battles drove him crazy.You can call it 'Male Ego' or madness, Raj wanted to prove Sneha wrong at least on one ocassion.

"What?"

Raj asked her again, "Can we kill our self by holding our breath?"

"No. Never"

Raj became curious, "how can you say that?"

"I said No... means No"

"There will be some explanation!!!"

"Ok. In simple words...After holding your breath for a certain amount of time, the nervous system will stimulate a reaction which you won't be able to control. Your brain cells will send across a message to respire"

Raj got more confused, "I don't think so. You are wrong this time"

Sneha, "Okay so what is your explanation....Come on tell me..."

Raj was silent. He kept looking at Sneha.

"Oh come on. You can't make a statement just like that. Without any proof"

Raj didn't reply and Sneha became more worried than furious, "Raj whats' going on? Say something please"

Raj kept staring at her. He was mum.

"Oh dear..Are you holding your breath"
"Okay go ahead. I know you will breath again"

Raj didn't say anything.He had a smile on his face.

"Oh please Raj. Come on. Don't be an idiot. Please.."

It had been more than 1 minute and Raj was still holding his breath...

Her eyes were brimming with tears..."Please Raj. I beg you. Please".
"Okay you won...for Gods' sake..start breathing"

Raj knew, if he will breathe, he will lose again!!!

Jokes (Title not yet decided)

Even though the fart joke from ancient Sumerian civilization in 1900 BC is believed to be the worlds' oldest joke, I think jokes were there even before the creation of earth.I don't have any evidences to prove that my theories are correct, but in todays' world who cares for evidences. You just need some media hype and you need to repeat a sentence 1000 times on television. There you go - 100 billion people thinking "Why is he saying such a simple fact daily on television?"

Creation of Earth

God *Dobrek was playing GODS in his Atari ST personal computer. For 400 years he was stuck on level 3 of the game. Level 3 was very tough and Dobrek was fed up with the machines' performance. Finally he decided to take a P break.

The best of ideas come to ones mind while emptying stomach. After an year, 'The' idea stuck him - "I should create a real game. A game with no levels and plenty of players. Players who will worship me as the ultimate power." He finished his job and got back to his workstation with this new project. Meanwhile water level in the planet 'Pusho', increased upto 400m because of unprecedented rainfall for continuous one year. Next time when your mom says not to go outside during rain, she really means it.

Dobrek, who learned civil engineering using e-books and Xeroxed version of original books, started looking at his earlier work - 'The Universe'. He admired his work for 2 years. Then he started looking for a space. "No not there.There I do my asteroidical experiments. Nope. There I go for walk. I need free space there. I do my push ups there. Not Possible". Finally he got a perfect area for his new project. "Aha, 'Pusho'. I have always neglected this cute little sphere. I will play my game here. Oh God!! okay that is me.... it is full of water. I will have to do lot of work here. At least 88 million person work per year for 4.54 billion years."

He started off with his works. Years went by. He hardly took any break. Meanwhile other planets faced drought situation. Planets which were about to have life on them through the well known scientific method of slow and steady evolution of unicellular-multicellular-mean mammals, got affected.

Dobrek finished of his job in time and finally said to himself -"Aha!! Its' almost ready. Now it's time to create my players."

-- To be continued

--*Author believes in only one religion and that is "Matfenk" and one God -"Dobrek". Whenever he gets stuck in a meeting or session, he prays to Dobrek and the very next moment he gets a break.

Getting Inspired in a Difficult Situation

It was class 7th Geography final exam. I was nervous because I was prepared for History paper. When I reached my classroom, I came to know about the mistake I committed in noting down the correct exam time table. I started going through the book, which I borrowed from a friend.

Mere getting pass marks wasn’t enough for me, I had to excel in all subjects. One mistake and I was out of the race for first rank. From last 5 years I was either coming second or third in my class. From last 5 years Abba was telling me that he will buy me a bicycle whenever I come first in my class. One mistake and my dream to ride my own bicycle would remain as a dream.

I started going through the chapters. I was not able to recollect anything. Troposphere, Stratosphere and Ionosphere sounded alien to me. I closed the book and cried in silence. Woes of a thirteen year old boy, who realized that he will have to wait for one more year to get a bicycle, made him cry.

I started looking for some inspiration. I had never been through such a situation in my entire life. I had never written any exam without proper preparation. I had never failed in my entire life. Then suddenly some weird thought stuck me. Why don’t I make this a memorable moment? Whenever I get into trouble next time, I can look back at this situation and gain confidence. This thought process gave me some confidence. I opened my book again and started going through the chapters. Still Troposphere, Stratosphere and Ionosphere sounded alien to me, but this time I was enjoying this new experience.

Finally I wrote the exam and got pass marks in Geography. I was out of the race for top rank and I ended up getting third rank. Once again Abba smiled at me when I told him my results. He was happy (as I thought then) because he need not spend those extra 1000 Rs., which matters a lot to a middle class family. I was happy because I had learnt the art of getting inspired in a difficult situation.

PS: I would have never become what I am today, without those small challenges Abba came up with. I finally got my bicycle in class XI. Abba rode the bicycle from the store till home (almost 10km).

Princess Kabisi..

There was a friend of mine,Anirudh. He was born and brought up in Dubai. He used to tell me about a princess. Her name was 'Kabisi', daughter of a Sheikh.

My friends' uncle was a plumber, so he often visited sheikhs' palace. Once he went there to repair a fountain and he took Anirudh with him just to show him the palace. When Ani was roaming around in the palace, he saw sheikhs' daughter standing at the balcony. He was mesmerized by her beauty and the thunderbolt stuck him.

Ani never saw her again, but till date he hasn't forgotten her. It's so obvious that the princess doesn't even know that there is guy who is madly in love with her.
Once I asked Ani,"do you think she will be yours one day?"
He said," She hasn't seen the outside world. I will take her out and show her how beautiful this world is. That day she will fell in love with me."

I interrupted," so when is it going to happen?".

He looked down, he was upset ......."Never".

It is been 7 years since I saw him and probably I will never see Anirudh again. But somewhere in some corner of my heart, his love for Kabisi touched me.

World is full of love , which makes this world so beautiful.

HKP Anti-Virus

Karzzz Dialogues- Revisited

1.Par Kudarat Ka Karishma Dekhiye Kabir Chacha, Woh Ladka Fir Se Ek Aur Movie Banata Hai- Karzzzzzz

2. Ye Meri acting Ka Junoon Aur Tumhare Sabr Ki Hadd Hai Jiski Wajah Se Maine Dubara Picture Ki Hai....This season HR is back as MONTY -Oh Huzooooooooorrrrrr

3. I am lucky in singing, I am lucking in acting - Tho Yeh Monty Kaun Hai?

4. Mein Ravi Verma Hoon Doston.

5. Kisi Aur Ne Mujhe Nai Pehchana Maa...Sirf Tumne Mujhe Pehchana..
(Pehchana na.tho ghar le jao...kitne saalon se humare peeche pada hai)

6. Ek Ladka Ek Movie Banata Hai, Aur Woh Movie Release Bhi Hoti Hai
Par do hi din mein woh box office se nikal kar sadak par aa jaati hai

7. Hari Om Hurry Home Hurry Home Home....

Foreshadowing

"A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini is one of the best novel that I have ever read. His first novel "The Kite Runner" is equally good.

At some places the author has used a completely different technique of story telling. I didn't like it much and I suggest he should avoid it. The one word that comes to my mind for that technique is "Spoiler"(experts call it foreshadowing). The author plainly tells the reader about the things that are going to happen next. E.g. (The Kite Runner, when Amir eats a grape)'the last bit of solid food I would eat for a long time'. Great!! Now I know Amir will be beaten up and he won't be able to eat solid food for next few months.

Wiki says: "Foreshadowing is a technique used by authors to provide clues for the reader to be able to predict what might occur later in the story. In other words, it is a literary device in which an author drops hints about the plot and what may come in the near future or, in other words, the plot developments to come later in the story."

Family Planning - New Trends

The American Way of Family Planning

Known Pakistani Taliban leader Baitullah Mehsud has 4 daughters' from his first wife. In his pursuit to get a son , last November he married the daughter of a cleric. He was making love to his second wife at his father-in-laws' house, when he was killed in an American drone attack.

Next day TOI heading read and I quote - "Desire for son led to Baitullah Mehsud's death: Report"

This definitely puts a question mark in my mind - Is this the new American way of family planning? When Americans are trying to sell their weapons and latest technology to various governments for family planning, Indians are not far behind.

The Sim'b'le Kerala Government Way

Kerala government is planning to penalize parents for having more than two children.The drafted proposal says, the government will charge a nominal fee of Rs.10,000 and thereby punish the parents for having a third child. The TKMIT -Information Technology branch pass out, Mr. P. Podimon has already coded this information in the new Kerala Family Planning software.

Code:
Full Mode: (In case the government plans to penalize those who are already having more than 2 children)
If ( count >2)
ln_extra := ln_total - 2;
ln_amount:= ln_extra*10,000;
End if;

Incremental Logic: This logic is based on the last update date. It will come handy if the revenue department is not able to recover money in time.

Select count(extra_child). family_id
into ln_extra, ln_family_id
from we_are_the_champions
where revenue_recovery_date < last_update_date;

ln_amount:= ln_extra*10,000;

update we_are_the_champions
set revenue_recovery_date = sysdate
,ln_count = NULL
where family_id = ln-family_id;


(to be continued....)

Story Time...(For Kidz)

Once there lived a man named Anonymous in a village called Known. His village was located in one of the mountain valleys of Mt. Famous. Mt. Famous was a popular tourist destination. Its’ lush green valleys and apple trees attracted tourists from all over the world.

Anonymous had a crush on Fame, the most beautiful lady in Known. She was daughter of Success, the apple plantation owner. Anonymous’ father Misery and his mother Hunger worked in one of the plantations owned by Success. With such an unimpressive family background, it was impossible for Anonymous to get Fame as his life partner.

One day Anonymous left his village in search of Wealth, saint from the city of Gold. He walked through dark and dense Hardwork forest. He swam across river Impossible. Finally he reached at a detour to Gold, the village called Luck. Villagers were not at all friendly. They asked Anonymous to either give them 1000 Braves (local currency) or return back. After leaving his small home called Comfort, anonymous had made lots of Braves during his journey. He paid the villagers and reached the city of Gold. Wealth liked Anonymous straightaway. He packed his bag and accompanied Anonymous on his way back to Known. Wealth promised to stay with Anonymous as long as he will cross forests and rivers to bring his medicines from Gold. With the magical powers of Wealth, Anonymous built a big house. He bought apple plantations. Success was impressed with Anonymous and he married his daughter to Anonymous. Soon after their marriage, Anonymous changed his name to Well Known.

Mr. and Mrs. Well Known lived happily ever after.